The Sports Brewery » Pittsburgh Pirates

LL Cool J and Kent Tekulve are two fellas I’d throw a few back with

Meerkat — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 09:47:20 +0000

Don’t call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin my peers and puttin suckas in fear
Makin the tears rain down like a MON-soon
Listen to the bass go BOOM
Explosion, overpowerin
Over the competition, I’m towerin
Wreckin shop, when I drop these lyrics that’ll make you call the cops
Don’t you dare stare, you betta move
Don’t ever compare
Me to the rest that’ll all get sliced and diced
Competition’s payin the price

Awwwwwwwwwww …. YEAH!

Your favorite man-rodent is back with a bucket of chilled cervezas!

I’m mixin things up a bit … no, not talkin rail drinks, I drink almost monogamously Oregon’s juice of the gods … beer. Mixin like this … I’m tossing mama said knock you out lyrics (leavin out the chorus) in between my mini-rants …why … because I can. Alright, stop shakin your head and roll the ball out to check this ball game in. Thanks, I just dusted you and slammed on your crooked skull … get the rock from the ballboy and check it back in.

Let’s go.

How bout them muther-fuckin Pirates battling for the NL Central flag!?! I am totally backing this. A Philly/Steel City NLCS would be awesome. And yeah, I know Colin Cowherd would spit out TV ratings that MLS would laugh at, but fuck it! It’s a Keystone state NLCS. You know FOX would roll out all those “We are family” Pirates footage … sweet stuff. Okay, maybe not sweet, maybe “awesome” before Neil Patrick Harris made awesome so damn …. awesome.

Dave Parker & Willie Stargell … maybe some Kent Tekulve. Oh fuck yeah. No baseballer had the combined look of 70s cool and 80s nerd like Mr. Tekulve. Dude rocked the submarine pitch in those Pirate pajamas. Tekulve was the man … period. Oh yeah, “Pops” Stargell could destroy a Spalding or two into the outfield bleachers when he really needed too.

Go get it Cool J …

Don’t u call this a regular jam
I’m gonna rock this land
I’m gonna take this itty bitty world by storm
And I’m just gettin warm
Just like Muhummad Ali they called him Cassius
Watch me bash this beat like a skull
Cuz u know I had beef wit
Why do u riff with me, the maniac psycho
And when I pull out my jammy get ready cuz it might go
BLAAAAW, how ya like me now?
The river will not allow
U to get with, Mr. Smith, dont riff
Listen to my gear shift
I’m blastin, outlastin
Kinda like Shaft, so u could say I’m shaftin
Old English filled my mind
And I came up with a funky rhyme

Later, Yao Ming. Sorry bro. I’m gonna miss your skill set and your personality. That big clunky China-man was a refreshing spill of soy sauce in the Association. Yao just ran up and down the court, made his shots, blocks, rebounds, and followed them up with that goofy smile of his. Class dude. The NBA’s big loss and our loss. But hey, we still got Melo and Ron-Ron! Woo-hoo! (tongue-firmly-in-cheek)

Hey Portland, still wanna hold on to your boy Greg Oden after seeing Yao pack his bags en route to China? I say, dump the stock … now. Or as Gordon Gekko would say … “It’s a dog with fleas, kid.” Don’t keep waiting around for this fella to make good on his “potential”. He’s gonna get hurt again. And again. True, maybe he stays healthy for one glorious season, but do the Blazers really have a championship team? No. These brothers can’t even get past round one. Move on.

Shadow boxin when I heard you on the radio (HUUUH!!!)
I just don’t know
What made you forget that I was raw?
But now I got a new tour
I’m goin insane, startin the hurricane, releasin pain
Lettin you know that you can’t gain, I maintain
Unless ya say my name
Rippin, killin
Diggin and drillin a hole
Pass the Ol’ Gold

OMG!

Can we please get the players and owners of the NFL to agree to this deal so we all can roll back into some normalcy this summer?!?! When the deal is done … the flurry of free agent signings is gonna be fun to kick back and watch. NFL ESPN nerds Mort & Adam will be slamming Rockstar energy drinks like bartenders working a double at the boardwalk bar on Labor Day weekend in between live SportsCenter, NFL Live, ESPN Radio interviews … non-stop for probably 5 days straight. Maybe a drinking game could be conjured up? … like, drink for every bag under Mort & Adam’s eyes during each on location SportsCenter update.

Over/Under on Mort & Adam daily coffee purchases is at 32.5 …. place your bets.

Shotgun blasts are heard
When I rip and kill, at WILL
The man of the hour, tower of power, I’ll devour
I’m gonna tie you up and let you understand
that I’m not your average man
when I got a jammy in my hand
DAAAAAM!!!!! Oooooohh!!
Listen to the way I slaaaaay, your crew
Damage (UHH) damage (UHH) damage (UHH) damage
Destruction, terror, and mayhem
Pass me a sissy so suckas I’ll slay him
Farmers (What!!!) Farmers (What!!!)
I’m ready (we’re ready!!!)
I think I’m gonna bomb a town (get down!!)
Don’t u neva, eva, pull my lever
Cuz I explode
And my nine is easy to load
I gotta thank God
Cuz he gave me the strength to rock
HARD!! knock you out, mama said knock you out

Alright … LL has cooled off … so we’re goin machine gun Kelly style now … and no, I’m not talkin about Chip Kelly (control yourself you Eugene wankers) … you really think I can toss around cases full of 25K cash out to people? … no! I’m just a dude that loves beer and blogging … get over yourself!

Locked and loaded … fire!

Tiger is falling off the deep end … Steve Williams was his right hand man whether he admits it or not. Rory is the man now, just give the Irish lad a big hug and accept it already. Cuz ya know, Rick Reily is strapping on his knee pads right now. HEYO!!!!

The Mets potential fire sale has me giddy. Love it. Unless of course those damn Bravos get Carlos Beltran. Then I might grimace a bit. Just a dream sequence … I’d very much enjoy spraying weedkiller over the city of Atlanta right now … just to ensure those bastards don’t make a late run.

Anyone else tired of hearing the name Willie Lyles?!?!? Sheesh.

After hearing all the US Women Soccer chatter … my thoughts are … the girls did their best. A lot of us got wrapped up in them winning the finals over the puny Japanese team. But you know what, them Japs came to play. They beat Germany. And yes, the US beat Brazil. But “domination” in soccer is very similar to “time of possession” in football, it means nothing if you do not SCORE. The American women did not put the ball in the net, thus … they did not dominate. I watched the game against North Korea where they had many opps to put them away early and didn’t (US won 2-0, should have been 5-0). Let’s not hate on them because we all wanted the storybook ending to come true.

Okay, let me translate that last part … we Americans were expecting the happy ending from the little Asian women but didn’t get it, so we had to blame somebody … unfortunately … we pointed blame to the girls who walked us in the door. Yeah, the adorably cute US girls.

Oh, and never say I’m not a nice guy … in case you did not know … Borders going-out-of-business sale has begun! I scored a 20% discount on “Moneyball” … cuz I just love geeky-saber stats and movies. But you can also score a deal on flashy toilet paper as well.

Meerkat out.

Only the Pirates could lose an arbitration case to this guy

Kinger — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 19:52:31 +0000

PHOENIX Associated Press — Pitcher Ross Ohlendorf has defeated the Pittsburgh Pirates in the first salary arbitration hearing this year, even after going 1-11 last season.

Ohlendorf was awarded a raise from $439,000 to $2,025,000 Wednesday by arbitrators Steven Wolf, Fredric Horowitz and Robert Herzog, who heard the case a day earlier. The Pirates had argued he should be paid $1.4 million.

The 28-year-old right-hander had a 4.07 ERA in 21 starts for Pittsburgh last year, and his record on a team that went a major league-worst 57-105 was down from 11-10 the previous year.

Ohlendorf’s ERA was lower than the 4.31 of Cincinnati’s Edinson Volquez, who will make $1,625,000 this year. Volquez was 4-3 last year after returning from elbow surgery and a 50-game suspension following a positive drug test.

Twelve more players remain in arbitration, with hearings scheduled through Feb. 18.

Okay, well maybe the Mariners too….

Honestly, this guy could be the ace of the Pittsburgh staff for all I know. What does 1-11 get you in Pittsburgh????? A raise!

2010 STATS

GM21
W1
L11
BB44
K79
ERA4.07

NL Central Preview

SKI — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 15:00:10 +0000

Finally we come to our final 2010 MLB Preview and what better way to end it than preview the NL Central.

CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA	DIFF
x-St. Louis	91	71	.562	-	46-35	45-36	730	640	+90
Chicago Cubs	83	78	.516	7.5	46-34	37-44	707	672	+35
Milwaukee	80	82	.494	11	40-41	40-41	785	818	-33
Cincinnati	78	84	.481	13	40-41	38-43	673	723	-50
Houston	74	88	.457	17	44-37	30-51	643	770	-127
Pittsburgh	62	99	.385	28.5	40-41	22-58	636	768	-132

2010 Projected finishes and overview

St Louis Cardinals (92-70)

The Cards ended up wining the Central pretty easy last year. I mean they had the MVP (Pujols) and the 2nd and 3rd place finishers in the Cy Young (Wainwright and Carpenter), throw in that the Central is terrible and you will coast to the playoffs every year. Now they got swept by the Dodgers in the Division Series so they weren’t that great of a team, but just a powerhouse for the Central.

The Cards didn’t really lose anything to huge and they also didn’t gain anything to huge this off season. They added Felipe Lopez and Brad Penny, which really is nothing since Lopez is an ok second baseman and Penny is a washed up pitcher who can only pitch in the NL. The Key departures from last years team are Joel Pinero, Rick Ankiel, Julio Lugo, and Mark Derosa. Pinero had a pretty decent year last year getting 15 wins so that will be missed, but the other 3 aren’t big losses. Ankiel had some pop in his bat but he K’s to much and can’t hit for average. Lugo is just terrible and they brought in Lopez so toss him away, and though Derosa is a nice veteran player he didn’t contribute much last year so he won’t be missed.

The Cards still have the best player in baseball, 2 of the best pitchers in the NL and they will have Matt Holliday to start the season. What they don’t have is pitching after their top 2 and they have some pop in their lineup but not a lot of high average hitters. All in all they still look pretty good and by playing in the mediocre Central they will be right back atop the division coasting into the playoffs.

Cincinnati Reds (84-78)

An ok season last year for the Reds as they finished with one of their better seasons of the decade. Young players Joey Votto and Jay Bruce are starting to become stars, while potential star Edison Volquez suffered an arm injury and was done for the season. When Volquez went down so did the Reds chances at a playoff run.

The Reds had the big pick up in the off season when they landed Cuban defector Aroldis Chapman. He will start in the minors, but the flame throwing lefty will be up in the bigs in the blink of an eye. The Reds also added journeymen SS Orlando Cabrera who will be playing for his 7th team in 9 years. Surprisingly the Reds lost very little, just speedy Willy Taveras who they easily replaced with rookie Drew Stubbs.

This is going to be the break out year for the Reds. Signing Chapman and getting Volquez back will be a huge addition to their starting rotation of Aaron Harang, Johnny Cueto and Bronson Arroyo. They have some pop in their lineup with Bruce and Votto and have a couple guys that will be spraying gaps in Brandon Phillips and Drew Stubbs, toss in veterans Scott Rolen and Jonny Gomes and they have a nice looking lineup. Though they will have a break out year it still won’t be enough to get into the playoffs, but look for the Reds to be contenders from here on out.

Chicago Cubs (81-81)

What can you say about the Cubbies that hasn’t already been said.,I’ll just toss out 1908 and leave it at that. An ok year I guess for the Cubs, hung around the playoff picture for awhile till they just faded away down the home stretch. Had some major problems and blowups with Milton Bradley and Carlos Zambrano that was entertaining for us fans, but killers for the team. Ok is the only thing that keeps coming to mind when looking at the Cubs lat year,.

Picked up Marlon Byrd to play center which is a nice pickup, but also added Carlos Silva to be the 4th starter which is one of the worst ideas I’ve ever heard of, and Tom Gorzelanny who pitched for the Pirates. The players that left were more addition by subtraction. Rich Harden is a nice pitcher, but relying on him to stay healthy the whole year is a fools errand so letting him go is ok. The big departure which is huge for the Cubs is sending Cancer Milton Bradley away (Hello Mariners). Not only did Milton not hit or field for shit, but I’ve never seen 1 player cause so much trouble for 1 team. The only move that needed to be made and it was.

The Cubbies lineup looks stacked (if it can actually stay healthy for a year), with studs Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez and Alphonso Soriano they got some real hitters. Add in Byrd, Fukidome, Soto, Theriot and Fontenot they really have no weak link. They have no real weak link in their lineup, but looking at their starters and bullpen you will see why they will be a .500 team. Zambrano is the clear #1 and with his electric stuff he is nasty, but he is one of the biggest headcases I’ve seen in baseball and you just can’t trust that. Dempster and Randy Wells are 2 and 3 and they will have some hard match ups going against other teams 2nd and 3rd pitchers. Now we get to Carlos Silva and Tom Gorzelanny who I can’t believe have starting spots in the Majors. The Mariners paid Silva a ton of money and he went out and threw BP to the other team till he hurt himself. He wasn’t that good of a pitcher for the Twins either. And Gorzelanny is a lefty from the Pirates and if the Pirates let you go your not good. Be prepared to see a lot of high scoring games and blown leads. Who doesn’t love the Cubs.

Milwaukee Brewer (78-84)

Like the other teams in the Central the BrewCrew was in the hunt till they just fizzled away in the last month. With an underachieving lineup and an average at best rotation I’m surprised they got that many wins. I guess it took Braden Looper going 14-7 to get that many wins. Just a bad year for a team people thought might contend for the division.

The Brewers really cleaned house after last season. They lost Mike Cameron, Jason Kendall, J.J. Hardy, Felipe Lopez, Looper, all starters last year. To take all those players places the Brewers added Carlos Gomez, and Gregg Zaun along with 2 pitchers that they over paid for in Randy Wolf and Doug Davis. Now Gomez and Zaun don’t really offer much on offense so the Brewers are already playing from behind, but giving Wolf and Davis such big contracts is crazy. Davis career high for wins in a season is 13 and Wolf has one year of 16 but nothing highr then 11 after that. Just mind boggling how much you can make as an average pitcher in the free agent market.

The season does not look very good for the Brewers. They still have Prince and Braun who are all-stars and Corey Hart can be good, but no one else in that lineup would scare me as a pitcher and I haven’t played baseball in 8 years. The rotation is filled with 2nd and 3rd level pitchers with no clear ace so I see a lot of 10-11 season for the staff. Honestly I think I’m being a little generous giving the Brewers 78 wins, but the last 2 teams in the Central are that bad.

Houston Astros (74-88)

The Stros just aren’t a very good baseball team. They have an ace in Roy Oswalt and they have all-stars in Carlos Lee and Lance Berkman, the only problem is that’s all they have. So when all you have are those 3 players, and Berkman is always hurt, and Oswalt suffered through some injuries you end up with the 74-88 record.

The Astros really didn’t add much. They got Pedro Feliz from the Phils who’s an ok player, and Brett Myers and Matt Lindstrom are average also. They lost their 2 vets in Miguel Tejada and Pudge, who actually were 2 of their better players last year, but the real blow was losing closer Jose Valverde who was the only real hope they had in the bullpen.

So let’s look at what the Stros did. They lost some ok bats and picked up an ok bat, and they lost a stud closer and added 2 average pitchers. I’m not seeing an improvement at all, and with Berkman starting the season on the DL I see the Stros looking exactly the same as last years bad team

Pittsburgh Pirates (62-100)

Now we are getting to the creme of the crop. The old bucs. Gotta love them. Just go out and drop a 100 games like its nothing, then trade any good young player you had so you can stay bad. I like the goals of the team. The Pirates are bad plain and simple. They had one surprise last year in Garett Jones who hit 21 bombs in 82 games (I see him getting traded mid season) and that was it for the season.

Does it really matter who the Pirates add. They could add Pujols and Arod and they would still drop 100 games, but they did add Akinori Iwamura and Lastings Millidge. They are about equal to Rod and Pujols. And any player they lost isn’t a big deal because they weren’t good with them any way.

At first looking over their lineup and rotation I was gonna give the Buccos 70 wins, which is actually a prettty good year for them. Then I saw 1 name and instantly took away 8 wins and really it should be more. All I can say is Octavio Dotel.

Time to crown a new champ

SKI — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 01:00:27 +0000

A new champion has been crowned in the world of hideous uniforms. This new champion has beat out some of the all time greats, from the old Tampa Bay creamsicle unis to the orange and red Astro disaster. But now we enter into a new dynasty and one that I an see lasting a long time. I give you the new champion New Orleans Hornets Mardi Gras Jerseys.

I don’t even know where to start with these beauties. How about the awesome color scheme. I know people are gonna say it’s just Mardi Gras colors but here’s why it works for Mardi Gras, because your hammered and staring at huge tits the entire time so of course your not going to give shit about this color scheme. The only way this uniform is acceptable in a game is if they are giving out free beer all game and the cheerleaders are topless otherwise let’s save this for Bourbon street. Now onto the NOLA across the chest of the jersey. Now I’m not from Nawlins but I have never heard New Orleans called NOLA, if anybody knows this info please spread the word out here to the west coast becuase it’s not reaching us. So now it’s time for everyone to lift their glass and pay respect to the new champ. May there reign on top last forever.

Now some of the old classic ugly unis

Houston Astros:

Tampa Bay:

Pittsburgh Pirates:

And yes even the Ducks: