Yeah I’ve been gone for a minute, I’m sure you all missed me. I wish I had some cool story about ‘finding my inner me’ on some backpacking trip through Europe while having copious amounts of unsafe sex and ingesting any and every drug I was handed, but I don’t. Alas, my computer is a bitch and I crashed into a wall called ‘apathy’ along the way.

What’s weird is that in the two weeks or so I laid low in the blogosphere, like a ton of shit happened. Like, a ton, man. So with all that said, I’m three beers, a cig and a Quaalude deep tonight, so it’s possible I ramble on for longer than this song, so you got that going for you. I guess?

Let me just start off by saying that after the Rose Bowl, I had a “clean month.” No booze, no Nick-o-Teen, barely any sex, went for a couple of jogs, ate carrots and apples, lifted heavy items repetitively. It sucked. I literally feel no healthier today than when I went to bed on January 2 hammered and glowing from the Ducks win in Pasadena. Now I know all that stuff is bad for you, but I’m really starting to doubt it’s actually that bad.  Probably another left-wing conspiracy from that Muslim Obama and his American-hating justices that Newt was talking about. Has to be. Planned Parenthood probably plays a part in this as well, maybe.

So that whole “Chip Kelly to the Bucs” deal was wild. Started off as a tweet from Portland, and BOOM, just caught fire. Of course the easy thing to do was just play it off as a rumor, but come on now. We all know Chipper is better than us. We are dating out of our league here with the Visored one. Hey, I have no problems with that at all, Chipper is bigger than probably 5-6 jobs in America. And I’m not just talking about college football jobs either… I mean Chip is so big, that in the middle of an economic downturn, UW started throwing cash around like D Miles in a strip club and poaching coaches from the Pac-12 brethren like no one’s business. USC got so hard off of pulliing the biggest upset in program history and chinking the kings crown a tad, that they started an actual Heisman campaign for the bumbling Matt Barkley (come on Trojies, you don’t trust him in a big spot either) and have visions of a national title run dancing in their heads. OSU…well…they uh…worked really hard the right way to do whatever they do between rock-paper-scissors competitions. Point being, it was huge news. When he was gone, the entire west coast breathed a sigh of relief, which made his ‘return’ all the more enjoyable. Lots of people woke up that Monday feeling way worse than they did when they went to bed on Sunday…

What started next was weird, it was like class warfare within the Oregon fanbase. All of a sudden if you believed the ‘rumors’ (come on ya’ll, that report not only had legs, but they were already bronzed and sweaty from the Tampa heat and humidity) you were a bad fan. If you thought Chipper was a dick, you were a bad fan. Now I’ve never been divorced, but that’s almost what it felt like. While you were at Wholefoods buying grapes and oats, he moved out with his tennis instructor. And when you get dumped for a prettier lady, I aint gonna get mad if you curse the bum on the way out the door.

But, fortunately for us, the king did in fact return. Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Oh hey, Arik Armstead committed to Oregon.

Yessir, you know you did the exact same thing when the news broke before a world hanging on to his every word.

Signing day came and went, and contrary to some occasional C-Walking, I don’t really get too into it. Oregon signed a good class, blah blah blah. But, it just seems like stalking teenage boys, errr I mean, following recruiting closely will eventually drive a person crazy.

So…how about that hoops team? And no, not the sorry Blazers, those plucky Ducks. Altman has his antagonists sitting thiiiis close to the top spot in the league (though, I’m not sure that’s something to brag about this year) with a HUGE game tonight in Boulder against the Buffs. After the Ducks beat UCLA to get to 6-2 in the league, some tourney talk started to come around. My take was get me to 8-3 in league, then we’ll talk. After vomiting all over themselves against the beavs, the Ducks got it together in the second half and put away the shitty Utes in Salt Lake City. So…beat CU, get to 8-3, talk tourney. But, of course those dick-heads in Colorado had to get a blizzard to blow though and delay the charter flight by about 12 hours. Homecourt advantage is one thing, but getting the nimbus clouds to conspire against your opponent is flat out bush league. There I said it. If Oregon loses, it’s the weathers fault, and the tourney committee will most likely agree.

Back to Altman for one second, you digging him yet? Now, Ernie left a steaming pile of feces in his wake, but I’m still iffy on Dana. What are the Ducks good at? What is his style? In a perfect world, would they score 90 a game, or be a team that slows it down and plays lock-down defense? I honestly have no clue, do you? For his sake, it better be the former, because the latter aint selling here in Eugene. Even if he’s a consistent tourney team. Face it, Nike, Chipper and the Blur Offense have made us even more spoiled than we were a couple of years ago. Oregon is a “sex and cocaine” fan base, and there is nothing wrong with that. We want to be entertained, talked about and get our Pit Bull on at every sporting event. As frustrating as Big Ern was, when his teams were rolling, they were as fun to watch as any. Altman’s teams set offense back 50 years every other game. Maybe winning cures all of that, but I doubt it. MKA isn’t even a year and a half old, and yet no one is going to fill that place up. It’s flat out empty most nights. I’ve only been to three games this year, so I’m as big of an offender as any, but I feel no ‘need’ to go. It’s boring and bad basketball, sorry. And if you look at the roster and who is returning next year, is it getting any better?

But whatever, Go Ducks, don’t want to be a fake fan or anything.

As I finish another beer after ‘dry January’, I’ll leave with some Josh Hamilton stuff. We all know the story, but where do you fall on it? Is it newsworthy? Any of our business? That was a rather heated debate on twitter the other night, to be sure. I fall in the camp of it most certainly being newsworthy. He was out in a bar, no one was poking around his ‘man cave’, so I have no issues with papers/ESPN running with it. His demons with addictions are probably something every single person reading this has dealt with in some way or another. The disease is no longer this ‘hush, hush’ deal that it used to be. Who knows, maybe an embarrassing episode leaking to the media may have extended Mickey Mantle’s life?  I’ve yet to talk to one person that wasn’t pulling for Hamilton 110% to get a grasp on his issues, and his lapse was a sobering reminder to all that there are no ‘off days’ when it comes to fighting off the ugly monster that is substance abuse. His presser Friday afternoon was great, my respect for Ian Kinsler and the Rangers organization that stands behind him at every turn is through the roof.

As an aside, remember when thisguy was like a ‘thing?’

A little Anton to get you through the Friday, as we wait patiently for the “journalists” to bring us some more news -false it may be but,  juuuuuicy!!!!

And…

So Darron Thomas has decided to turn pro, good for him. I say thatwith 100% sincerity. There were some that never fully embraced DT, for whatever reason, and called for the white Cali-Kid to take the lanky Texans spot. And can you blame them?? I mean that one pass in the Colorado game was siiiiick, bruh. Easily outweighs 23-3, two Pac titles, National Title appearance and Rose Bowl win. Because DT should have ran more! /looks in Ski’s direction…

We can all debate whether it was the right choice, or if Darron ever had an NFL future until the cows come home, but that isn’t what this blog is really about. It doesn’t interest me one bit.

Again, for his sake, I hope his decision works out. But, honestly, I really don’t care. Does that make sense? Does that make me a shit-bag?

Honestly, I think it just makes me honest.

The dirty little secret in college athletics is that the players are essentially just un-paid workers. They are the prized bovine at the cattle sale. We use them, they use us – circle of life type stuff – rinse
and repeat. Most of us use them for (not so) cheap an,d mindless entertainment. Some use them as some sort of affirmation of life (looking at you, SEC). I
n general, they don’t care about us, and we really don’t care about them. Throw, catch, score and tackle, and it’s all good. Do you really care about their fiscal means 5-10 years down the road? I don’t, sorry. I never saw a fundraiser for Jamal Curry, who pumped my has at the Goodpasture Chevron two years ago, did you? So spare me all the speeches about how I need to care. I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me. Aside from just being human, and not rooting for pain or failure on non-scumbags, matters not to me.

Seeing a lot of “twitter preachers” imploring us to.support Darron 100%, and that’s fine. But, questioning the decision doesn’t make you a “bad fan.” Pretending they can do no wrong because they played at Oregon, is what’s wrong. It’s akin to hiding a parents alcoholism because, well, you’re family. Sometimes honesty hurts, but sometimes it’s necessary.

Sorry, this is big boy football, next man up. You may.disagree.with that, but it’s how the machine works.

Good luck to DT, but I hope Bennett throws and runs.for.a million yards.

ps-sent this from my phone while roaming.costco, ignore all the.punctuation and grammatical errors….

And this gem…

This brings up so many questions. Is this common place in Wisconsin? Just going for a nice leisurely Sunday drive with Grammy, and all of a sudden you’re just dodging chicks pissing on the side of the road like it’s no big deal? That’s disgusting. Notice how all the guys actually ran up the little hill, so they could pee in privacy? And they are infinitely more equipped for the roadside piss. That is proof that not only are chicks lazier than guys, but we are 100% smarter. Seriously, if I have the option of peeing in a crowded thicket, or along the 110 in Rose Bowl gridlock, I’m choosing the thicket every single time. See this is why I don’t ever want a daughter. The thought of them pulling a stunt like this already keeps me up at night.

PS-I’ve been on those bowl game charters, you know a month in advance when the bus is heading for the stadium, so you empty your bladder on the way from your room. Which begs the question of who had worse clock management; these ladies, or Bret Bielema?

Craigslist.com

I mean, hey, why not? After all, he did just win a Rose Bowl.

Pics from the seller:

Other LaMichael James autographs for sale, for comparisons sake.

The validity of these autographs, or any others purporting to be signed by James, are  certainly questionable. Regardless, it’s nice he is going pro so he can finally financially gain from such silly things as signing initials and numbers on a plastic helmet or a piece of paper.

If you want to spend $350 on this, you know where to go. It’s America, spend as you please.

[thanks to @jedsparty for the heads up]

Oh Busey you amazing nutjob. How could you not want to go out and buy a Kia after watching these commercials? I was halfway out the door till I realized this was in Pittsburgh and Busey might not be there actually selling cars, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually was.

I’m hoping that if you tell them Gary sent you then that means you get the special deal of a Kia, an 8ball of blow and a bottle of xanax.

PS…I really want to go party with the party patrol. Busey, a giant guinea pig, some joker and a blonde dime piece. I don’t know how you couldn’t have a great time with that crew

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAIYwHjfyQA&feature=related

Wait for it… Wait for it…

BOOM!

Seriously, how does this stuff slip past these gigantic newspapers? And an even more serious question; how/why did I notice the unintentional dong shot on the first look? Paging Dr. Freud…?

Obviously, I have no clue who lays claim to that dong, but I’m pretty sure it’s not Gary Campbell. And let me tell ya, Mike Leach needs to cut whoever that is a royalty check. Because HE lets his sword swing…

Awww, these are the perks when you things like this and win the Rose Bowl. I’m a little disappointed Kenjon isn’t rocking some Beats By Dre and playing on a i Pad as well, because the snarky tweets from Softy and Aaron Fentress would have been tremendous.

PS-Blazers looking gooooood this year.

Okay, okay, for those not familiar with the legend that is HuskyJive, let’s get you acquainted. Gold here. Gold here. And more gold, here.

I wonder if he would still take Sark and his 6 and losses a year over Kelly, his 3-peat and Rose Bowl win? Oh who am I kidding, of course he would.

Also, looks like he whiffed a tad on the “Sark will win a Rose Bowl before Kelly prediction.” Though, giving up 172653 points to Baylor, could be his squads jumping off point!

Okay, back on point. We all knew the Doogs would go into full spin mode once Oregon won the Rose Bowl on Monday, but this is glorious.

Highlights:

Yes, it is Oregon fans that are delusional about the state of their program…

This angle may be my favorite of all time, seriously.

Again, I love this angle. Husky fans (and Jive in those previous threads) have always stated that the 2002 Fiesta Bowl win over #3 Colorado didn’t mean anything, because it wasn’t the Rose Bowl. But now…now that it’s convenient, they downplay the 11-3 Badgers. Interesting. Though, that is a slippery slope, as UW beat an 8-4 Iowa team in the 1991 Rose Bowl, an 8-4 Purdue team in the 2001 Rose Bowl and lost to a Michigan game that came into the Rose Bowl with 8 wins in 1993. So really, does Husky fan want to go there? I know they hate reason, logic and tangible numbers, but they can’t completely ignore them. Well, all the time that it.

This is fun as well, Oregon and Nike clearly paid De’Anthony Thomas to come to Oregon. I mean, just watch him play, he totally doesn’t fit the Oregon offensive scheme at all. Kiffy had it right all along, you can’t allow that kid to play offense, he’s just not cut out for it.

Something tells me that a guy like Jive doesn’t know any “media internals”, and no that Ruth chick on RealDawg.com does not count.

Oh, and Jive has buddies within the NCAA, as he knows when the Lyles investigation is going to end. And people, it’s going to be awhile, the NCAA is serious!

Never stop being you, Jive.