Yeah I’ve been gone for a minute, I’m sure you all missed me. I wish I had some cool story about ‘finding my inner me’ on some backpacking trip through Europe while having copious amounts of unsafe sex and ingesting any and every drug I was handed, but I don’t. Alas, my computer is a bitch and I crashed into a wall called ‘apathy’ along the way.

What’s weird is that in the two weeks or so I laid low in the blogosphere, like a ton of shit happened. Like, a ton, man. So with all that said, I’m three beers, a cig and a Quaalude deep tonight, so it’s possible I ramble on for longer than this song, so you got that going for you. I guess?

Let me just start off by saying that after the Rose Bowl, I had a “clean month.” No booze, no Nick-o-Teen, barely any sex, went for a couple of jogs, ate carrots and apples, lifted heavy items repetitively. It sucked. I literally feel no healthier today than when I went to bed on January 2 hammered and glowing from the Ducks win in Pasadena. Now I know all that stuff is bad for you, but I’m really starting to doubt it’s actually that bad.  Probably another left-wing conspiracy from that Muslim Obama and his American-hating justices that Newt was talking about. Has to be. Planned Parenthood probably plays a part in this as well, maybe.

So that whole “Chip Kelly to the Bucs” deal was wild. Started off as a tweet from Portland, and BOOM, just caught fire. Of course the easy thing to do was just play it off as a rumor, but come on now. We all know Chipper is better than us. We are dating out of our league here with the Visored one. Hey, I have no problems with that at all, Chipper is bigger than probably 5-6 jobs in America. And I’m not just talking about college football jobs either… I mean Chip is so big, that in the middle of an economic downturn, UW started throwing cash around like D Miles in a strip club and poaching coaches from the Pac-12 brethren like no one’s business. USC got so hard off of pulliing the biggest upset in program history and chinking the kings crown a tad, that they started an actual Heisman campaign for the bumbling Matt Barkley (come on Trojies, you don’t trust him in a big spot either) and have visions of a national title run dancing in their heads. OSU…well…they uh…worked really hard the right way to do whatever they do between rock-paper-scissors competitions. Point being, it was huge news. When he was gone, the entire west coast breathed a sigh of relief, which made his ‘return’ all the more enjoyable. Lots of people woke up that Monday feeling way worse than they did when they went to bed on Sunday…

What started next was weird, it was like class warfare within the Oregon fanbase. All of a sudden if you believed the ‘rumors’ (come on ya’ll, that report not only had legs, but they were already bronzed and sweaty from the Tampa heat and humidity) you were a bad fan. If you thought Chipper was a dick, you were a bad fan. Now I’ve never been divorced, but that’s almost what it felt like. While you were at Wholefoods buying grapes and oats, he moved out with his tennis instructor. And when you get dumped for a prettier lady, I aint gonna get mad if you curse the bum on the way out the door.

But, fortunately for us, the king did in fact return. Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Oh hey, Arik Armstead committed to Oregon.

Yessir, you know you did the exact same thing when the news broke before a world hanging on to his every word.

Signing day came and went, and contrary to some occasional C-Walking, I don’t really get too into it. Oregon signed a good class, blah blah blah. But, it just seems like stalking teenage boys, errr I mean, following recruiting closely will eventually drive a person crazy.

So…how about that hoops team? And no, not the sorry Blazers, those plucky Ducks. Altman has his antagonists sitting thiiiis close to the top spot in the league (though, I’m not sure that’s something to brag about this year) with a HUGE game tonight in Boulder against the Buffs. After the Ducks beat UCLA to get to 6-2 in the league, some tourney talk started to come around. My take was get me to 8-3 in league, then we’ll talk. After vomiting all over themselves against the beavs, the Ducks got it together in the second half and put away the shitty Utes in Salt Lake City. So…beat CU, get to 8-3, talk tourney. But, of course those dick-heads in Colorado had to get a blizzard to blow though and delay the charter flight by about 12 hours. Homecourt advantage is one thing, but getting the nimbus clouds to conspire against your opponent is flat out bush league. There I said it. If Oregon loses, it’s the weathers fault, and the tourney committee will most likely agree.

Back to Altman for one second, you digging him yet? Now, Ernie left a steaming pile of feces in his wake, but I’m still iffy on Dana. What are the Ducks good at? What is his style? In a perfect world, would they score 90 a game, or be a team that slows it down and plays lock-down defense? I honestly have no clue, do you? For his sake, it better be the former, because the latter aint selling here in Eugene. Even if he’s a consistent tourney team. Face it, Nike, Chipper and the Blur Offense have made us even more spoiled than we were a couple of years ago. Oregon is a “sex and cocaine” fan base, and there is nothing wrong with that. We want to be entertained, talked about and get our Pit Bull on at every sporting event. As frustrating as Big Ern was, when his teams were rolling, they were as fun to watch as any. Altman’s teams set offense back 50 years every other game. Maybe winning cures all of that, but I doubt it. MKA isn’t even a year and a half old, and yet no one is going to fill that place up. It’s flat out empty most nights. I’ve only been to three games this year, so I’m as big of an offender as any, but I feel no ‘need’ to go. It’s boring and bad basketball, sorry. And if you look at the roster and who is returning next year, is it getting any better?

But whatever, Go Ducks, don’t want to be a fake fan or anything.

As I finish another beer after ‘dry January’, I’ll leave with some Josh Hamilton stuff. We all know the story, but where do you fall on it? Is it newsworthy? Any of our business? That was a rather heated debate on twitter the other night, to be sure. I fall in the camp of it most certainly being newsworthy. He was out in a bar, no one was poking around his ‘man cave’, so I have no issues with papers/ESPN running with it. His demons with addictions are probably something every single person reading this has dealt with in some way or another. The disease is no longer this ‘hush, hush’ deal that it used to be. Who knows, maybe an embarrassing episode leaking to the media may have extended Mickey Mantle’s life?  I’ve yet to talk to one person that wasn’t pulling for Hamilton 110% to get a grasp on his issues, and his lapse was a sobering reminder to all that there are no ‘off days’ when it comes to fighting off the ugly monster that is substance abuse. His presser Friday afternoon was great, my respect for Ian Kinsler and the Rangers organization that stands behind him at every turn is through the roof.

As an aside, remember when thisguy was like a ‘thing?’

A little Anton to get you through the Friday, as we wait patiently for the “journalists” to bring us some more news -false it may be but,  juuuuuicy!!!!

And…

So Darron Thomas has decided to turn pro, good for him. I say thatwith 100% sincerity. There were some that never fully embraced DT, for whatever reason, and called for the white Cali-Kid to take the lanky Texans spot. And can you blame them?? I mean that one pass in the Colorado game was siiiiick, bruh. Easily outweighs 23-3, two Pac titles, National Title appearance and Rose Bowl win. Because DT should have ran more! /looks in Ski’s direction…

We can all debate whether it was the right choice, or if Darron ever had an NFL future until the cows come home, but that isn’t what this blog is really about. It doesn’t interest me one bit.

Again, for his sake, I hope his decision works out. But, honestly, I really don’t care. Does that make sense? Does that make me a shit-bag?

Honestly, I think it just makes me honest.

The dirty little secret in college athletics is that the players are essentially just un-paid workers. They are the prized bovine at the cattle sale. We use them, they use us – circle of life type stuff – rinse
and repeat. Most of us use them for (not so) cheap an,d mindless entertainment. Some use them as some sort of affirmation of life (looking at you, SEC). I
n general, they don’t care about us, and we really don’t care about them. Throw, catch, score and tackle, and it’s all good. Do you really care about their fiscal means 5-10 years down the road? I don’t, sorry. I never saw a fundraiser for Jamal Curry, who pumped my has at the Goodpasture Chevron two years ago, did you? So spare me all the speeches about how I need to care. I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me. Aside from just being human, and not rooting for pain or failure on non-scumbags, matters not to me.

Seeing a lot of “twitter preachers” imploring us to.support Darron 100%, and that’s fine. But, questioning the decision doesn’t make you a “bad fan.” Pretending they can do no wrong because they played at Oregon, is what’s wrong. It’s akin to hiding a parents alcoholism because, well, you’re family. Sometimes honesty hurts, but sometimes it’s necessary.

Sorry, this is big boy football, next man up. You may.disagree.with that, but it’s how the machine works.

Good luck to DT, but I hope Bennett throws and runs.for.a million yards.

ps-sent this from my phone while roaming.costco, ignore all the.punctuation and grammatical errors….

And this gem…

Craigslist.com

I mean, hey, why not? After all, he did just win a Rose Bowl.

Pics from the seller:

Other LaMichael James autographs for sale, for comparisons sake.

The validity of these autographs, or any others purporting to be signed by James, are  certainly questionable. Regardless, it’s nice he is going pro so he can finally financially gain from such silly things as signing initials and numbers on a plastic helmet or a piece of paper.

If you want to spend $350 on this, you know where to go. It’s America, spend as you please.

[thanks to @jedsparty for the heads up]

Oh Busey you amazing nutjob. How could you not want to go out and buy a Kia after watching these commercials? I was halfway out the door till I realized this was in Pittsburgh and Busey might not be there actually selling cars, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually was.

I’m hoping that if you tell them Gary sent you then that means you get the special deal of a Kia, an 8ball of blow and a bottle of xanax.

PS…I really want to go party with the party patrol. Busey, a giant guinea pig, some joker and a blonde dime piece. I don’t know how you couldn’t have a great time with that crew

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAIYwHjfyQA&feature=related

For all non-Beaver Oregonians, it was in fact a good day. In no special order…

The Duck squad dropped 90 in a route over some unsuspecting  Cougs in the conference opener up in Spokane(not Pullman). The final was 92-75. They basically played a perfect game on offense shooting 60%, with everyone contributing. Get used to the name Kingma, folks. The kid rains threes with ease. It’s early, but it looks like the Civil War(s) could actually mean something this year.

Notre Dame lost in the Catholics vs. Criminals bowl in typical Irish fashion. FSU outscored ND 15-0 in the 4th quarter to win 18-14. Someday they will be relevant again, someday. Brian Kelly is always one step closer to reaching Mike Stoops status, which is not good status. A couple more losses and a couple more temper tantrums and he’ll be there.

The Blazers beat the Nugs to go  3-0 to start the year. Nate is letting them run and it’s working. We’ll see if it still working in 5 months and how many times they can give up a hundy and still win. It was nice to see Rudy in mid-season form, chucking threes off the iron and not playing defense. Have fun with that garbage, Denver.

Sark and Co. couldn’t outscore Baylor as they lost 67-56 in one of the most pathetic college games ever played. UW gave up 480 yards and 8 td’s on the ground. And the reason they were in the game was because Baylor’s defense was almost as bad. Congrats on a stellar 7-6 year, UW!

ESPN insider, OldDirtyBraga, also reported on Thursday that Oregon received a 4-star commitment. TE Pharaoh Brown had originally committed to Michigan, but had a “change of hart”

And lastly, the Skyrimjob simulator is predicting a 46-37 Oregon victory over Whisky.

The only thing worse than the Husky defense might be these clowns-

Now it starts to get heated. Today we have the prestigious Military Bowl between Toledo and Air Force (go Rockets!) and the ultimate grudge game between Tejas and Cal in the Holiday Bowl.

I don’t know about you, but I’m rolling with Cal tonight. I see Tedford being a petty SOB and wanting some modicum of revenge over the scurrilous Mack Brown and the scummy Longhorn program for crying their way into the 2005 Rose Bowl over him.

Bring it on, Mack! Zach Maynard and his brother Keenan Allen are waiting (Did you know they were brothers? In related news, Brock Osweiler is still 6’8′ and Jerome Better is still from Detroit) for your return.

For those of you that haven’t been keeping up (or have better things to do) let me give you a little background here.

Lindsay Schell is an OSU alum that had been working the OSU beat for the Oregonian until this year. I’m sure she is a lovely woman and if we met at a bar we would be slapping the floor like her beloved Dukies by the end of the night, but her snarky tweets and palpable dislike of those scummy Ducks, have become something of a ‘twitter meme’ of late. Her glowing tweets about the OSU basketball (and potshots at the Ducks) team last night became the latest fodder, there were many, but here is one example.

So today when I learned she was having a live chat breaking down that pesky Rose Bowl she is being forced to cover, being played by those awful quackers, I couldn’t resist. I had to see if I could slip in some absurd questions, just had to. Most wouldn’t, but most of ya’ll are better than I.

What happened next, inspired tears of laughter.

PS-take note of the intentional misspelling of my log-in name (a reference to a certain high-flying OSU basketball player)…

Logically, I’m not sure anyone can quibble with her answer. I mean, put aside her status as a hoops junkie, and it just makes sense. The Oregon football team is ranked 5th in the nation and playing in it’ s third straight BCS game, essentially that’s the definition of boring. The OSU hoops team crushed Portland State, and is off to it’s best start in twenty years on the heels of playing a schedule ranked 320 out of 345.

Oregon State lost 35-0 to Wisconsin.

Honestly, I feel bad for the people at the O for having to do these live chats. Think about it, if THOSE questions were good enough top make it, how awful were the ones that didn’t?

#GoBeavs

Much like your typical Oregon fan, I am arrogant and elitist, so I will really only bother with the top 10.

As you can see (my picks in bold) confidence is a good thing, as there were three people that had 3-for-3 days, and yet they all sit in the dreaded ‘Boysee zone” just outside of where the big boys are.

We get a two day reprieve from all the Bowl Madness,  but don’t worry, the Beef O’ Brady’s Bowl (formerly the Magic Jack St Petersberg Bowl) on Tuesday will be here before you know it!

In the immortal words of Barbara Cook, ‘finish on top.’