Peter just bringing his free-wheeling, prank-playing ways up to the 206. Can’t wait for him to throw Matt Hasselbeck off the Space Needle!

At least with the Seahawks, his players will be the ones buying the expensive houses for their families.

Come on Cro, what’s up? Like it has to be sign that you got too many kids when you gotta sit there and scratch your head for a minute while trying and remember them all. Even Shawn Kemp thinks that’s embarrassing.

As expected (and predicted) Clownzano started rippin’ into Lagarrette Blount today for his punch yesterday that landed on the face mask of a Tennessee Titan teammate.  And just when I thought the Clown was about to puke out the words killing Jeff Fisher for having Blount’s back, he pulled a fast one on me: he dished out the blame right to Chip Kelly! 

“Do I think Blount learned from his mistake?  No.  How could he when he was given his football season back?”

Well done, John.  Anything to get in a cheap shot on ol’ Chipper. 

With the state of Portland radio talking heads, this city does not deserve another (or a) pro sports franchise.

Another great reason for TSB fans to spread the word.  Let’s over take this damn idiot!

Honestly, it’s not all that bad.  Considering this kind of stuff happens all the time in practice before the regular season starts, it really is a non story.  Except when Blount lands his second punch with cameras around in less than a year.

I don’t care he did it, you may not either.  But most importantly Jeff Fisher actually likes that it happened.  It means guys are being competitive, especially one trying to make the squad. 

I just can’t wait for the Clownzano to rip Fisher for not throwing Blount off the team.  You just know it’s coming.

Yeah, yeah, Favre is a clown and disgraces the game and shit. But you know what? Who cares. He’s probably better than your teams starting QB, and he’s certainly better than Tavaris Jackson. He can do whatever he wants.

But the biggest clowns in the room are the guys in Bristol.

We all know ESPN sucks, but they are reaching a new low.

1000000000 shots of the Mississippi and Minnesota sky lines? Riveting stuff guys…

Antonio Pierce dropping the brilliant joke that the Minnesota Vikings should now be known as the “Favreasota Vikings” about 20 times, hilarious!

Amongst the clowns though, one alpha-clown stood out–Tedy Bruschi.

Could Bruschi be anymore brutal? I get it, he loves to ‘protect the shield’, but he’s ridiculous. Of course none of this would ever happen in New England, because the hoodie is a master communicator and the Patriot way is all about the team, sacrificing self for the good of others, playing for free, bla bla bla.

When asked what the Patriots reaction would be if Tom Brady tried to pull the same stuff, Bruschi claimed of course they would congratulate Brady on retirement and just move along. Because, you know, that’s the Patriot way! Yeah Tedy, Brady’s and Favre’s just grow on trees.

When asked if Favre can have success this year, the brilliant Bruschi responded ‘absolutely not.’ And why won’t Favre succeed this year? Well, that’s simple, the Saints laid down the blueprint for stopping the Vikings. And what was that blueprint? Putting pressure, sacking and hitting Favre as much as possible. No way Tedy, that is amazing! Who knew a key to good defense was putting pressure on a QB and creating sacks and turnovers? Has he shared this knowledge with anyone before, I think he may be onto something! What’s the key to offense, scoring points???

Favre is annoying, ESPN sucks and Tedy Bruschi is brutal. Goddammit, I hate football season sometimes.

But what about the NFL?

The recent explosion of offensive passing stats and slow decline of long-term RBs, have changed the HOF landscape a bit.  A guy like LaDainian Tomlinson is a sure-fire HOF lock, but he unbelievably collected his resume in just 9 seasons … and is gonna pad his stats with the Jets this season.  But how many more LTs are we gonna see?  RBs in the NFL are abused by coaches much like greasy-haired teenagers beatdown their first vehicle.  Neither last too long, the end is inevitable either by accident or by constant pounding with little rest and rehab.  LT is only 31, he is not an old man by any reach, but the tread on the tires are thin and his prime is hard to see in the rear-view mirror.

Will all RBs following LT need to come close to his numbers (approx 16,500 run/rec) to get a sniff of the NFL HOF?

Most likely.  How about QBs?  I firmly believe Troy Aikman (32,942 pass yards) is the last QB to get into the HOF with a sub 33,000 passing yards total.  With field generals slinging balls all over the gridiron nowadays, 3,000 yard seasons will be expected … especially with all the contact rules defenses have to worry about.

Which gets me thinking, how much do those precious rings weigh in the HOF voting?  Aikman’s numbers don’t have the ‘oh-wow’ result when you give them a glance.  Steve Young threw for more yards in less attempts than Troy, and Steve liked to go for a run once in awhile.  Now before you huff and puff, Young tossed for 33,124 to Aikman’s 32,942, so they were close.  But Young destroys Aikman on TDs (232>165) and INTs (107<141) and rushing (4,239>1,016).  So clearly the stats favor Stevie, but did the number of rings Mr. Aikman had make it an easy scoot into the HOF?

Hmmmmmmm.

Let’s play a little game called guess that dude … I’ll drop some career stats on you … you tell me which baller has the gold NFL HOF blazer in his closet?  Ready?  Here we go!

PLAYER A

PLAYER B

So, have you crunched the numbers enough?  Did you cheat like a snibbling weasel and google?

Whatever you did … doesn’t matter.  Because one guy is in the HOF and the other isn’t.  And apparently nothing is gonna change the result.

I’m not here to defend, nor prop up, either player.  Just thought I’d use these former ballers as a clear example of the power of the almighty ring.

PLAYER A is NOT in the HOF.

PLAYER B is IN the HOF.

So, who are these masked men?  If you’re the snibbling weasel, you googled before you kept reading so you know, shame on you … go drink some rancid milk why don’t cha.

For the rest of ya, PLAYER A is Ricky Watters, PLAYER B is Lynn Swann.

Can you believe that!  Watters has almost 15,000 rush/rec … while Mr. Swann has just over 5,500 rec/rush.  But get this … Swann never had one season over 1,000 receiving yards!  In fact, he never came close.  His best season was 1978 with 880 yards receiving.  Unreal, I know.  Unimaginable these days.  Hell, Ricky had 719 yards receiving in 1994.  Go figure!

Hmmmmmmm.

I wonder if those precious rings had something to do with it?  They most certainly did!  All FOUR of Lynn’s!  Don’t be a numskull.  Yeah, those Steelers teams Swann was on were legendary, I know, I remember glimpses of them.  But this little example should shine clear the fact that in a sport where HOF milestones are few and far between, and where the benchmarks shift quickly, that the number that weighs most for any player dreaming for induction … are the rings he wears on his hand.

Funny, because Charles Haley has 5 fucking rings (the only baller that does) and is not in the HOF.

WTF, HOF voters?

There must be a secret handshake that poor Mr. Haley doesn’t know.

Swagger is said to measure one’s personality and the likelihood a player is to celebrate prematurely.  Hmmm, to me that indicates every WR and DB has at least a 90 rating.  And flags should be flying on every 3 yard slant that goes for a 1st down and 3rd and long deep ball that falls incomplete 10 yards from any receiver.  

Seriously, this type of rating is brilliant, and long overdue.  Well done EA.  What I want to know is who would have had a higher swagger rating, Prime Time or the Playmaker?

PS – Quarterback Club was better than Madden

Football season is here (august-february).

Cowboys vs Bengals @ 5pm PST – NBC.

Yup, it’s that Hall of Fame game.  The annual kickoff to live football action.  Though it may be football-lite because it is preseason, this first game does get the juices flowing like free chips & salsa at your favorite Mexican restaurant.  I know I’ll be pumped for the initial quarter, but then, realistically, the adrenaline rush will disappear when the starters put on their caps and begin chatting to the on-field reporters.  Only Cowboys & Bengals fans will stay juiced up for the entire game.  The actual game really isn’t the excitement, it’s the overall HOF weekend package that is kinda a symbol of what is to come very soon … much like a politician breaking ground with a golden shovel to represent a citizen friendly structure being built.  Yup, this weekend is merely one big hell-yeah! fist pump into the air moment.

Oh, and for you degenerate gamblers … Bengals are the chalk by 3 … O/U is 32.5 … practice up … the real thing is a month away.

When the starters do trot off the field tonight … we could be in for some sideline antics … remember, Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens are both Cincy WRs … and both love the camera … expect something silly before halftime.

While on the subject of WRs majoring in drama … hopefully we’ll get a good glimpse of Cowboys stud WR Dez Bryant tonight.  By now everyone has heard of the whole … I ain’t carrying your pads, Roy … incident.  So tonight could be a good time for Dallas to light up some snazzy Romo-to-Dez highlights as a teaser for the real thing in September.  Could they be the next Favre/Harvin combo?  One thing is for sure, Dez won’t be compared to Tim Tebow in team-bonding exercises (Tebow gets Friar Tuck haircut via Denver teammates, classic, Tim earns big points for this).

Let’s not forget about that Rocknrolla named Adam Jones playing DB for Cincy, aka Pacman Jones.  Dude is getting his 3rd, or 4th, 5th chance in this league?  Whatever the case, he’ll be looking across the field at his former fellas … makes me wonder if there are some quality gentlemen clubs in Canton, Ohio.  If I turn on Sportscenter tomorrow morning and see Pacman’s mug on the screen, I’ll already know the story.

Tsssssccchhhh!!!

The sound of an ice cold beer crackin open will be heard in the Meerkat den around 5:11 tonight when I settle in to watch this glorified preseason game.  It will be paired perfectly with the sounds of pads slamming together, analyst X-and-O chatter, Brett Favre specualtion, HOF inductee reminiscing, and that comfortable feeling on the couch knowing that football season is here.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I leave you with training camp humor via Redskins Chris Cooley punking new fella Donovan McNabb.

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The contract:

Seven-year, $100 million contract. The deal contains $41 million guaranteed, including a $5 million signing bonus and his 2009-2011 base salaries.

It is no surprise that Redskins owner Daniel Snyder overpaid for a guy who just might not be worth every cent.  He has a dubious history.  And it is already safe to add Big Albert to this list.

Check it out (from the Capitol Comment blog – washingtonian.com 2007).

1. Adam Archuleta—Signed in 2006, he didn’t fit into the Redskins’ defense and was benched. They dumped him on the Bears this year so they didn’t have to pay half of his guaranteed $10 million.

2. Jeff George—Signed in 2000 as a backup quarterback for $18 million over four years, he played in six games his first season. When new coach Marty Schottenheimer started him in the first two games of the 2001 season, the team lost the games by a combined score of 67–3, and Schottenheimer fired him.

3. Jeremiah Trotter—Signed in 2002 to a seven-year, $35-million deal, he didn’t fit into the Redskins’ defense and lasted two years before he went back to Philadelphia.

4. Bruce Smith—A linchpin of the Buffalo Bills’ four Super Bowl teams, Smith was 37 in 2000, and the Bills figured he wasn’t worth the $4.6 million he was to earn. Smith became a free agent and got $23 million for five years from Snyder. Smith lasted four years but was never worth the money the Redskins paid him.

5. Deion Sanders—The perfect example of the trophy names Snyder likes to sign. He gave Sanders a seven-year, $55-million deal in 2000 with an $8-million signing bonus. Sanders could still play in 2000—the problem was that he no longer wanted to. He walked after one year and kept the signing bonus.

Instead of doing what great-players-slash-leaders, do.  Which is stand up and say stuff like:

• “I’ll play whatever position coach wants me to play”
• “The goal is to win championships and if playing a different position will help us, then I am all for it”
• “Yes, I know DT in a 4-3 scheme is what I am used to, but if coach believes a 3-4 scheme is best for us, then deal me in”
• “My teammates and I gotta buckle down and learn this new scheme by game 1 so we can begin our assault on the NFC East top spot”

Albert would rather whine, complain, hold-out, make a mockery of training camp.  What a class guy.  What a team player.  What a great example of leadership.

Because Albert skipped the Redskins offseason conditioning program he must complete this pre-training camp conditioning test to be able to participate in training camp.  Thursday and Friday, Albert didn’t pass.  And it’s not because he’s not healthy,  Sure, his knee was a little swollen Saturday, thus skipped test, but in no way could have kept him from passing.

Now it’s Monday, he attempted the test again, but cried hurt knee and did not finish.  Hmmmm.  Everyday now is gonna be laughable to find out how he managed to NOT pass this simple conditioning test.

Oh, do you think he’s actually trying?  How about this (via AP):

Haynesworth failed the test on the first day of training camp Thursday after taking an extended bathroom break in the middle of it

Kinda reminds me of them Brandon Marshall antics during Broncos camp last summer.  Again, classy stuff.

With the exception of Buffalo, T.O. has produced on the field everywhere he has played. I don’t read too much in to the Buffalo situation where it’s freezing cold and they didn’t have a legit NFL QB. I certainly can’t wait to see what kind of touchdown celebrations they can come up with involving both guys. After all these are the 2 most creative celebration artists of all time.