Everyone is always cracking on Bron, Wade, Bosh and the Heat for being nothing but showboating assholes, that scurry away when the bright lights come on. But I’m going to be honest, I don’t get it. You tell me one thing in this video that proves aren’t clearly substance over flash, and I’ll call you a liar. It’s only fitting that Joel Anthony is rocking a scarf in frigid South Beach, Shane Battier the double-popped collars and Eddy Curry an awkward smile.

This whole intro is just an homage to the Hilfigers PAR-TAY and the real big three – Kanye, Rihanna and Kid Cudi. The only thing dangerous than talent is humbled talent. It’s clear the Heat have learned lessons from the browbeating media and haters in loser markets like Milwaukee and Portland.

I can’t wait to see the party these guys throw in June after winning the title. Casual sweaters, lube and disco music gon’ be thumpin’.

Long story short Blazers will finish 7th/8th in the West, and get bounced in the first round by OKC or the Lake Show. The same standard procedure Rip City fans have become accustomed to under the Vulcan’s ownership, and there is no reason to believe the they will ever be in a position to compete for a title under his watch. The guy is clueless when it comes to building a championship quality NBA franchise. He should just focus throw his money at a ridiculous space-travel-plane prototype. Since the Vulcan took over ownership in 1988 the Blaze have made the playoffs 18 out of 23 seasons. Not bad. However, they have taken the 1st round exit 13 (6 since ’01) of those 18 appearances. Not good.

Considering the Blazers still don’t have a GM they have still made some decent moves in the context of perennial 7/8 seeded teams, nothing substantial though.

New additions:

Raymond Felton – PG

Jamal Crawford – G

Craig Smith – PF

Kurt Thomas – C

He gone:

Dre Miller – back with the Nugs

B Roy – Joined the AARP

Greg – physically unfit to participate- maybe instead of knee surgery he should get his dick shortened, just an idea. I’m sure most people who walk around with a fungo bat between their legs are going to have knee problems from getting hit every step they take.

Patty – Chinese mission- It would be a shame if Patty wasn’t able to return until March from playing ball over in China, but it is currently looking that way. Who will join Armon to wave a towel and meet the team a half court during timeouts? He at least better be pulling some sweet Chinese tail, General Tso’s Hoe’s, while he’s over there.

Current Roster:

Pos.	#	Name	Height	Weight	DOB (Y–M–D)	From
F	12	Aldridge, LaMarcus (C)	6 ft 11 in (2.11 m)	240 lb (109 kg)	1985–07–19	Texas
F	11	Babbitt, Luke	6 ft 9 in (2.06 m)	225 lb (102 kg)	1989–06–20	Nevada
C	40	Barron, Earl	7 ft 0 in (2.13 m)	250 lb (113 kg)	1981–08–14	Memphis
F	88	Batum, Nicolas	6 ft 8 in (2.03 m)	200 lb (91 kg)	1988–12–14	France
C	23	Camby, Marcus	6 ft 11 in (2.11 m)	235 lb (107 kg)	1974–03–22	Massachusetts
G	–	Crawford, Jamal	6 ft 5 in (1.96 m)	200 lb (91 kg)	1980–03–20	Michigan
G	5	Felton, Raymond	6 ft 1 in (1.85 m)	205 lb (93 kg)	1984–06–26	North Carolina
G	1	Johnson, Armon	6 ft 3 in (1.91 m)	195 lb (88 kg)	1989–02–23	Nevada
C	17	Johnson, Chris	6 ft 11 in (2.11 m)	210 lb (95 kg)	1985–07–15	LSU
G	2	Matthews, Wesley	6 ft 5 in (1.96 m)	220 lb (100 kg)	1986–10–14	Marquette
C	52	Oden, Greg	7 ft 0 in (2.13 m)	285 lb (129 kg)	1988–01–22	Ohio State
G	4	Smith, Nolan	6 ft 2 in (1.88 m)	185 lb (84 kg)	1988–07–25	Duke
F/C	–	Smith, Craig	6 ft 7 in (2.01 m)	265 lb (120 kg)	1983–11–10	Boston College
F/C	–	Thomas, Kurt	6 ft 9 in (2.06 m)	230 lb (104 kg)	1972-10-04	Texas Christian
F	3	Wallace, Gerald	6 ft 7 in (2.01 m)	220 lb (100 kg)	1982–07–23	Alabama
G	9	Williams, Elliot	6 ft 5 in (1.96 m)	180 lb (82 kg)	1989–06–20	Memphis

Depth chart

While the Blazers have considerable depth in the back court, they have no depth in the front court. Every team’s big men go down at some point during season, even more so when they push 40 and are members of the Blazers. Chris Johnson will get substantial time, which should be good if he can play like he did towards the end of last season. Adding Craig Smith should offer some size and much needed defense for the second unit. Again, don’t expect anything different from the Blaze this season.  A bunch of  “6th men” and no front court depth doesn’t equal great success. They will finish 39-27 an exit in the first round.

No Roy, no Oden. no problems. Kurt Thomas is coming to the Rose City with all the hoopla of shingles, greasy sweatpants and tap water! And no, this isn’t just some ‘quick fix’ for the Blazers acting GM (someone refresh me on his name?), Kurt is here for two years! Give the Blazers organization credit, just when things look as bleak as they could, they reach in like Sub-Zero and just rip spines straight out of our bodies. Well played, Blazers, well played.

Fuck the regular season and playoffs, just hand the trophy over to us after this savvy deal. The parade starts now!

PS-That is Kurt Thomas in the video, right???

JESUS!!!! DAMN THE BURGERS AT THIRSTY LION ARE F’N GOOD!!!

Yeah, you guessed it … the cerveza lovin Meerkat just got back from dinner out with the wife to spew a whole buncha drunken text all over The Sports Brewery front-page.

Just admit it … you jerk to this kinda stuff.

Alright … onto the sports stuff …

I digested a whole day of this NBA-Chris-Paul-to-LA-trade-stuff … and here comes my take … in no particular order … why … well I just swallowed a few Ninkasi Oatmeal Stouts at the restaurant … so chronological accuracy is outta the friggin window (at this point … spell check is frackin wonderful … and yes, that was a battlestar gallactica reference).

After the deal went down:

ESPN’s Stephen A Smith was on the phone with a tearful Lamar Odom … sorry Lamar … bro, you had to know the LA-Kardashian lifestyle would end some day before you retired … especially since you show up in the playoffs only once in awhile. Wipe away the tears chief, you are one of the very few NBA fellas that married into money before your playing days were over. Suck it up.

Wait … it gets better …

Supposedly, Kobe was waiting for CP3 to fly out to LA … unfortunately before Paul could take off … he was informed the deal was struck down by Stern. Ouch. Like … double-fuckin-ouch!

Sheesh … so how does Kobe get all chummy-chummy with Lamar when all the Lakers show up at practice?

UNCOMFORTABLE.

Oh yeah, how does Gasol feel?

Others:

Yeah, there were others affected, but they don’t make national news: Kevin Martin, Luis Scola, Goran Dragic … pawns in the NBA game of chess.

New Orleans:

Wow … has to completely suck being Hornets GM Dell Demps this weekend, right? You just worked your ass off for WEEKS tryin to score the BEST POSSIBLE DEAL for NBA owned New Orleans for the inevitably departing All-Star PG Chris Paul … and you get your Hornets-benefiting deal vetoed by the COMMISH.

SUCKS.

Funniest thing I heard on Friday was this from ESPN’s Scott Van Pelt:

“If I were Demps, I’d show up to work in shorts & tank top and play Words with friends and day-drink”.

Yeah, I’d probably do the same … if I spent weeks on the phone tryin to score the best deal for my team’s future just to get it blocked into row 7 by Dikembe Mutombo.

That blows … Demps should ask for at least a week’s vacation in the Caribbean after that.

David Stern:

Dude, you just fucked yourself in the ass with this hasty decision. I have been saying for a few years now that he has been more like Czar Stern more than Commish Stern. This week has dropped plenty of proof on such. Apparently the small-market owners led by ass-clown extraordinaire Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert (and his stupid email) were enough to dick-slap-across the face of Stern their ridiculous SWAY.

Commissioner,

It would be a travesty to allow the Lakers to acquire Chris Paul in the apparent trade being discussed.

This trade should go to a vote of the 29 owners of the Hornets.

Over the next three seasons this deal would save the Lakers approximately $20 million in salaries and approximately $21 million in luxury taxes. That $21 million goes to non-taxpaying teams and to fund revenue sharing.

I cannot remember ever seeing a trade where a team got by far the best player in the trade and saved over $40 million in the process. And it doesn’t appear that they would give up any draft picks, which might allow to later make a trade for Dwight Howard (They would also get a large trade exception that would help them improve their team and/or eventually trade for Howard.) When the Lakers got Pau Gasol (at the time considered an extremely lopsided trade) they took on tens of millions in additional salary and luxury tax and they gave up a number of prospects (one in Marc Gasol who may become a max-salary player).

I just don’t see how we can allow this trade to happen.

I know the vast majority of owners feel the same way that I do.

When will we just change the name of 25 of the 30 teams to the Washington Generals?

Please advise…

Hey FUCKFACE (aka Gilbert) … maybe you shouldn’t have signed off on the collective bargaining agreement with the players … should have put up a bigger fight! TOO LATE!

The Bill Simmons’ theory is that Czar Stern did so much lobbying to the small market owners to sign the deal … that he caved on the squashing on killing the Paul trade to please the small market teams.

After the smoke has settled … it is obvious that the deal for Chris Paul to LA is a good deal for New Orleans. NOT ONE NBA MEDIA person has said that the Hornets got swindled in the deal. Everyone has more or less said that the Hornets had the better end of the deal.

Ohhhh … but wait.

Where there’s fire:

What the small market owners were really scared of was the idea of the Lakers paving the way for Dwight Howard joining the Lakers after Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol were dealt off. Likely, Andrew Bynum (and other stuff) being dealt off to Orlando in some major deal to bring Howard over to LA and form another three-superstar-team in a major city.

That was the real fear … because obviously, CP3 and Kobe was not enough to send the owners into such a tizzy … they were looking into the foggy-small-market-you-got-no-chance-for-a-title future if CP3 and Howard and Kobe were to team up in LA.

Meanwhile in NY:

Yeah, while everyone was smelling the dutch-oven trade called ‘CP3 to LA’ … Tyson Chandler was getting dealt to the NY Knicks. This is what sucks for the Sixers fan that I am. Chandler brings defense to a Knicks team based solely on offense. Now defensive suckas like Melo and Stoudemire can play their offensive-only game and still look like all-stars and get deep into the playoffs. Damn that sucks. For a moment I thought the Sixers had a shot at the Atlantic flag.

Future:

I feel bad for Portland losing Brandon Roy … when he was the MAN he was the proud flag of the NW … now … I’m not sure Aldridge is ready for that load. Blazers sooooo need Oden to live up.

Sorry Western Conference … but you now SUCK. Better get Dwight Howard over to LA or the Eastern side is gonna dominate for years to come.

Aint it grand to live in a democratic society! One where the evils of Jerry Buss, Kobe Bryant, Chris Paul and the entire scummy Lakers organization can’t just snap their fingers and make things so!

via Adrian Wojnarowski

Kudos to the other NBA owners who stood up for what is right in the country, and refused to cower to the vindictive, cheating and disgusting Lakers organization. Getting CP3 from a league-owned Hornets teams is so unfair, it had to be stopped. It’s like the rich ass snobby bully on the playground offering a PBJ and the poorest kid in his class for the entire set of mint condition Charmander cards, because he’s so fucking hungry, he has to say yes. And much like the hall monitor, league owners stepped in here and courageously stopped this heinous deal from happening.

Standing up to dictators and ass holes is what makes America what it is, I am so proud right now. Order has been restored!

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah!!!

It may say MIDNIGHT TAILGATE …. but I started early today … whatever … suck it up and pretend I pounded out a 12-pack during the wee hours … you can do it … i believe in you … sheesh … it’s The Sports Brewery, where sports-drunkenness is a badge you show proudly.

Yup, yup …

Armed with a fridge of bottle-necked-beers (after returning from a Civil-War Buffalo Wild Wings) … I strut into the foray of argumentative sports conversation. Yes, I do this often anyway, so the drama is, well, over-dramatic.

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WHat thE duCk?!?!

LaMichael James is a 3rd round NFL draft pick who will be a 3rd-down back that will last about 5 years. Sorry, don’t hate on me for being honest. I have watched enough of James over these past few years to judge his NFL-ness skill set.

And my thoughts …

Yes, he is great in space … has sweet quickness when there is a hole to run thru, but when a linebacker or lineman gets their hands on him, he seems to easy to bring down. Hence … not adequate to run thru the tackles with the big boys. Before I get ripped a new turd-hole by Eugene-green-bleeding Duck-fans … know this. He was a skipped over recruit that ended up in the NW (outta Texas) that benefits from wide open running holes from the unique Chip Kelly system. A system that is hard for defenses to prep for in 1-week.

The ceiling for LaMichael James in the NFL is Darren Sproles-esque, though with James’s injury history, I think he falls short of that.

Don’t hate me for being right on Maehl.

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De Thomas > LaMichael James

Yes, I know … you just digested that whole LaMichael paragraph above and now you gotta swallow this. Sorry, but De Thomas is simply the more fluid player than LaMichael. Doesn’t matter what the kid does, he is simply the best athlete on the field. Running, receiving, returning, (probably even passing) … he just makes it all look smooth. Meaning, it just comes easier to the kid … a natural.

When 2012 arrives, the #6 jerseys will not be able to stay on the racks. No matter where De Thomas lines up on the field, he will be the focus of the defense. Chip Kelly will have the ultimate Trump card in De-Thomas. RB-or-WR, De-Thomas will draw double-covg from PAC-12 defenses next season wherever he is on the field. Hopefully Chip will have a WR that will keep the safety from doubling down on Thomas in 2012.

De Thomas will get the Heisman in either 2012 or 2013 … BET ON IT.

I say in 3 years De Thomas is the next Wes Welker (aka slot-WR-star-slash-punt-returner):

Both are 5′ 8″ between 185-160 lbs.

De Thomas is a step faster.

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NBA is back!

Is it too late to add a Jrue Holiday t-shirt to my x-mas list?!?!

Sorry Blazer fan, I just may be the guy throwing my empty beer bottle at Darth Blazer when Philly visits.

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Joe Flacco rocks you like a …

Yeah, probably have not heard this from me or anywhere on this site. That is okay. I have been behind ‘the joe show’ for quite awhile now. He has had many detractors for the last year or so. Again, okay. I am here to say, dude has arrived. Joe is in his 4th season and coming into his prime. I have scoffed at haters saying he has been an inaccurate passer over the seasons, obviously, they have not seen him during his 2 years at Delaware throwing to smurf WRs.

Joe may be a statue in the pocket (much like a former Duck … Dan Fouts was), but he has the arm and accuracy to put the ball anywhere the ball needs to be. Oh, and yes, Joe was a little slow to figure it all out, but poise was never his downfall … getting the ball out of his hand was. Flacco held onto the ball forever … that was his weakness. He took too many sacks. Now, he is finally gettin the ball out of his hand quickly because he knows where to go with it and has receivers to throw to that he has confidence in to make the catch in traffic.

If Baltimore can replace the slightly over-rated Ray Lewis in 2012, watch out for the Baltimore Ravens for the next 5 years.

Okay, so you say you are not a Flacco believer, tell me which non-Super-Bowl-winning-QBs are better than Joe Flacco?

Then realize that every QB is a non Super Bowl QB before they win one.

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Rose Bowl – Wisconsin vs Oregon

I am so looking forward to this battle of contrasting styles. I know, everyone thinks I am hating on the Ducks from Eugene, not so!

I just keep it real.

The huge-cheese-eating lineman of Wisconsin vs the speed-swarming-defensive-ballers of Oregon is a nice match-up when the Badgers have the ball. But will the prodding Badger defensive guys have enough athleticism to defend the super-athletic Ducks skill players?

Probably not.

I see this future Rose Bowl ending up something like 31-23 … Oregon.

See … ain’t I a nice guy?

Haters of me … go eat a stinky shoe!

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Title gone wrong

Alright … just realized my title “Funny like a clown or funny like a dick … with a gallon of Ninkasi in da liver, you judge” doesn’t really relate to my post … cuz … well, there wasn’t really anything funny about it … especially if you’re a green-bleeding Duck fan … sorry.

Sue me for false advertising then! HEY, guess what, if you clicked on the link when you other wise would not have … WIN WIN for me!!

How ’bout this … “WIN WIN” is a movie I give thumbs up … so if you likey … does that make up for this travesty of a mouse-click-gone-wrong?!?!

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Okay … so I leave you with this …

]]> http://www.thesportsbrewery.com/basketball/nba-basketball/funny-like-a-clown-or-funny-like-a-dick-with-a-gallon-of-ninkasi-in-da-liver-you-judge/feed 1 http://www.thesportsbrewery.com/basketball/nba-basketball/larussa-is-dickishly-awesome-ducks-games-suck-dick-gumbel-is-dickishly-a-dick http://www.thesportsbrewery.com/basketball/nba-basketball/larussa-is-dickishly-awesome-ducks-games-suck-dick-gumbel-is-dickishly-a-dick#comments Sun, 23 Oct 2011 07:36:19 +0000 Meerkat http://www.thesportsbrewery.com/?p=20880

It’s late October!

So inevitably the cool nights have me migrating towards the darker beers and passing by the IPAs until Spring of 2012. Yup … drunken rodent text droppings coming up … you know life hasn’t been the same since the last post … ADMIT IT!!

Buckle up … going on a fun ride … a relaxing ride to the tune of Tribe … so just chill bro …

[a tribute to the release of their documentary]

Let’s begin with BASEBALL!! You heard me!!

Let me preface this tasty section with the knowledge that I have not watched one inning of MLB playoff action since Ryan Howard folded to the ground like a drunk stumbling over a street curb at last call. Yeah, this 2011 ending has left a horrible after taste for all Phillies’ fans. The mere thought of watching baseball right now is hurl inducive. On to my controversial point …

Give me LaRussa or give me shit!

Tony LaRussa is the GREATEST MLB manager of all-time … IMO. Six WS appearances, two WS championships … two different teams … two different leagues. Dude is right there with Sparky Anderson. With the one exception, Tony ain’t done.

[please don't fire back with Joe Torre, with all due respect, who couldn't win with that payroll/talent of NY?]

LaRussa is a dick … a defender of his players to no-end … a guy that probably doesn’t laugh at a lot of jokes … but a baseball manager, he is … the best in my feeble (slightly intoxicated) mind. If I could replace Charlie Manuel with Tony LaRussa I wouldn’t hesitate. And you shouldn’t either.

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This just in!!!

I’m a casual Oregon Ducks football fan. And to be frank … this season sucks when it comes to watching Ducks football … from a casual-point-of-view that is. Yeah, I understand you die-hard Eugene-living-bleed-green-Ducks fans … you watch every minute of every game. But us ‘casual’ fans don’t. So when the Ducks get up by 21 … which has been a lot this season … I grab the remote and flick over to another game. Take a look at the schedule … every game has been shit for the casual fan … even the LSU game because the Tigers had that in hand before the 4th qtr. Meaning, every game this season … the casual fan has not watched a FULL Ducks game yet.

Just my way of saying I’m looking forward to Washington & Stanford.

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The Indianapolis Colts are 0-6 … if Peyton Manning doesn’t win MVP … the voters should throw themselves off the nearest bridge.

While on the Colts … how sick would it be if Andrew Luck became a Colt and had to sit under the tutelage of Peyton Manning? Could we see the first TWO-QB backfield in the NFL? Who would the snapped ball go to??

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Tick-tock-tick-tock … the arms on the NBA clock keep spinning around and no season is in sight … oh well … the BETTER game which is NCAA hoops has a chance to shine for 2011-2012. Go get your preseason magazine now, you’ll thank me in December.

Oh … and before i jump off the NBA train … what a dick Bryant Gumbel is. Sure NBA Commish David Stern can come across as a high fah-lutent cock … but the dude is a damn Jew … how can you call him a “plantation overseer” ?? Sorry Gumbel, I brushed off your ridiculous opinions after hearing this …

Seriously dude? When was the last time you actually sat in the stands? You strike me as the type that sends the waiter (of the corp-suite) off to the local sushi joint if the salmon isn’t fresh. How bout this Bryant … go F urself you pompous ass-clown.

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[on a side note ... I began this post with 2 Ninkasi Oatmeal Stout bombers ... finishing with DeSchutes Jubelale bottles ... even an AIDs-riddled-desperate-for-money hooker would say both beers taste better than Bryant Gumbel's shriveled cock if she was offered a grand in cold-hard-cash]

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Don’t git ur hopes up!!

I’m talkin about all this super-conference shit goin down right now. Money grabbing all over the place … ACC, BIG-12, SEC, BIG-EAST … all adding squads … doesn’t mean the MONEY-GRUBBING NCAA Prezs will suffice to a tournament … you don’t really believe that do you?

Don’t be that chick that falls for ‘just the tip’.

Ain’t gonna happen. Too much money in bowls for those teams that finish JUST over .500.  Cuz MONEY bro … is what Big-Time NCAA football is all about now. Not integrity, not tradition, not academics … no way chief … keep dreaming about a tournament. Maybe year 2019, when high school players are big enough to go from 12th grade to NFL practice squads … just maybe then you’ll see a tournament.

Which spawned the next question … will there be an NIT for the mid-majors like Boise St and such?

[I know, don't call me genius, just Nostrameerkat]

So I will leave you with this … just breathe dude …

Fox 12 - Trail Blazers center Marcus Camby was arrested this week on suspicion of possessing marijuana near a Texas school. Police in Pearland, near Houston, say an officer stopped a black 2010 Porsche Panamera for an equipment violation at about noon Monday. The officer reported smelling burnt marijuana coming from the car, police say, and a search turned up less than two ounces of pot. Both Camby, 37, and Kendal Lance Johnson, 24, were arrested and charged with possession of marijuana, two ounces or less, in a drug-free zone. The charge is a Class A misdemeanor. Bond was set at $2,000. If convicted, the men face up to one year in jail and up to a $4,000 fine. The Blazers are not releasing any statements about the arrest at this time.

Kevin Durant is lighting up amateurs at Rucker Park. Kobe Bryant “talks” of playing in Turkey. And Marcus Camby gets cuffed for having a couple ounces of pot in his Porsche. Hey guys, whatever makes you happy during the lockout. However I am hard pressed to believe that 90% of the league isn’t herbing on a regular basis when they have no reason to leave their million dollar homes. Such is life.

On the side: does Camby’s face look fat in this mug shot? Maybe you’re not in the minority of NBA players by cheefing daily, but maybe mix in a treadmill run? Or just drop the bag of Cheetos.

Punked by the freshman punk, John Gilchrist. Color me shocked that the whitey isn’t fast enough to dodge a blow from the brother man.

Meh, probably served Steve right. From getting abused by the Rockets in the 08 playoffs to eventually signing with the Lakers, I got no love for Blake.