JESUS!!!! DAMN THE BURGERS AT THIRSTY LION ARE F’N GOOD!!!

Yeah, you guessed it … the cerveza lovin Meerkat just got back from dinner out with the wife to spew a whole buncha drunken text all over The Sports Brewery front-page.

Just admit it … you jerk to this kinda stuff.

Alright … onto the sports stuff …

I digested a whole day of this NBA-Chris-Paul-to-LA-trade-stuff … and here comes my take … in no particular order … why … well I just swallowed a few Ninkasi Oatmeal Stouts at the restaurant … so chronological accuracy is outta the friggin window (at this point … spell check is frackin wonderful … and yes, that was a battlestar gallactica reference).

After the deal went down:

ESPN’s Stephen A Smith was on the phone with a tearful Lamar Odom … sorry Lamar … bro, you had to know the LA-Kardashian lifestyle would end some day before you retired … especially since you show up in the playoffs only once in awhile. Wipe away the tears chief, you are one of the very few NBA fellas that married into money before your playing days were over. Suck it up.

Wait … it gets better …

Supposedly, Kobe was waiting for CP3 to fly out to LA … unfortunately before Paul could take off … he was informed the deal was struck down by Stern. Ouch. Like … double-fuckin-ouch!

Sheesh … so how does Kobe get all chummy-chummy with Lamar when all the Lakers show up at practice?

UNCOMFORTABLE.

Oh yeah, how does Gasol feel?

Others:

Yeah, there were others affected, but they don’t make national news: Kevin Martin, Luis Scola, Goran Dragic … pawns in the NBA game of chess.

New Orleans:

Wow … has to completely suck being Hornets GM Dell Demps this weekend, right? You just worked your ass off for WEEKS tryin to score the BEST POSSIBLE DEAL for NBA owned New Orleans for the inevitably departing All-Star PG Chris Paul … and you get your Hornets-benefiting deal vetoed by the COMMISH.

SUCKS.

Funniest thing I heard on Friday was this from ESPN’s Scott Van Pelt:

“If I were Demps, I’d show up to work in shorts & tank top and play Words with friends and day-drink”.

Yeah, I’d probably do the same … if I spent weeks on the phone tryin to score the best deal for my team’s future just to get it blocked into row 7 by Dikembe Mutombo.

That blows … Demps should ask for at least a week’s vacation in the Caribbean after that.

David Stern:

Dude, you just fucked yourself in the ass with this hasty decision. I have been saying for a few years now that he has been more like Czar Stern more than Commish Stern. This week has dropped plenty of proof on such. Apparently the small-market owners led by ass-clown extraordinaire Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert (and his stupid email) were enough to dick-slap-across the face of Stern their ridiculous SWAY.

Commissioner,

It would be a travesty to allow the Lakers to acquire Chris Paul in the apparent trade being discussed.

This trade should go to a vote of the 29 owners of the Hornets.

Over the next three seasons this deal would save the Lakers approximately $20 million in salaries and approximately $21 million in luxury taxes. That $21 million goes to non-taxpaying teams and to fund revenue sharing.

I cannot remember ever seeing a trade where a team got by far the best player in the trade and saved over $40 million in the process. And it doesn’t appear that they would give up any draft picks, which might allow to later make a trade for Dwight Howard (They would also get a large trade exception that would help them improve their team and/or eventually trade for Howard.) When the Lakers got Pau Gasol (at the time considered an extremely lopsided trade) they took on tens of millions in additional salary and luxury tax and they gave up a number of prospects (one in Marc Gasol who may become a max-salary player).

I just don’t see how we can allow this trade to happen.

I know the vast majority of owners feel the same way that I do.

When will we just change the name of 25 of the 30 teams to the Washington Generals?

Please advise…

Hey FUCKFACE (aka Gilbert) … maybe you shouldn’t have signed off on the collective bargaining agreement with the players … should have put up a bigger fight! TOO LATE!

The Bill Simmons’ theory is that Czar Stern did so much lobbying to the small market owners to sign the deal … that he caved on the squashing on killing the Paul trade to please the small market teams.

After the smoke has settled … it is obvious that the deal for Chris Paul to LA is a good deal for New Orleans. NOT ONE NBA MEDIA person has said that the Hornets got swindled in the deal. Everyone has more or less said that the Hornets had the better end of the deal.

Ohhhh … but wait.

Where there’s fire:

What the small market owners were really scared of was the idea of the Lakers paving the way for Dwight Howard joining the Lakers after Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol were dealt off. Likely, Andrew Bynum (and other stuff) being dealt off to Orlando in some major deal to bring Howard over to LA and form another three-superstar-team in a major city.

That was the real fear … because obviously, CP3 and Kobe was not enough to send the owners into such a tizzy … they were looking into the foggy-small-market-you-got-no-chance-for-a-title future if CP3 and Howard and Kobe were to team up in LA.

Meanwhile in NY:

Yeah, while everyone was smelling the dutch-oven trade called ‘CP3 to LA’ … Tyson Chandler was getting dealt to the NY Knicks. This is what sucks for the Sixers fan that I am. Chandler brings defense to a Knicks team based solely on offense. Now defensive suckas like Melo and Stoudemire can play their offensive-only game and still look like all-stars and get deep into the playoffs. Damn that sucks. For a moment I thought the Sixers had a shot at the Atlantic flag.

Future:

I feel bad for Portland losing Brandon Roy … when he was the MAN he was the proud flag of the NW … now … I’m not sure Aldridge is ready for that load. Blazers sooooo need Oden to live up.

Sorry Western Conference … but you now SUCK. Better get Dwight Howard over to LA or the Eastern side is gonna dominate for years to come.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah!!!

It may say MIDNIGHT TAILGATE …. but I started early today … whatever … suck it up and pretend I pounded out a 12-pack during the wee hours … you can do it … i believe in you … sheesh … it’s The Sports Brewery, where sports-drunkenness is a badge you show proudly.

Yup, yup …

Armed with a fridge of bottle-necked-beers (after returning from a Civil-War Buffalo Wild Wings) … I strut into the foray of argumentative sports conversation. Yes, I do this often anyway, so the drama is, well, over-dramatic.

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WHat thE duCk?!?!

LaMichael James is a 3rd round NFL draft pick who will be a 3rd-down back that will last about 5 years. Sorry, don’t hate on me for being honest. I have watched enough of James over these past few years to judge his NFL-ness skill set.

And my thoughts …

Yes, he is great in space … has sweet quickness when there is a hole to run thru, but when a linebacker or lineman gets their hands on him, he seems to easy to bring down. Hence … not adequate to run thru the tackles with the big boys. Before I get ripped a new turd-hole by Eugene-green-bleeding Duck-fans … know this. He was a skipped over recruit that ended up in the NW (outta Texas) that benefits from wide open running holes from the unique Chip Kelly system. A system that is hard for defenses to prep for in 1-week.

The ceiling for LaMichael James in the NFL is Darren Sproles-esque, though with James’s injury history, I think he falls short of that.

Don’t hate me for being right on Maehl.

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De Thomas > LaMichael James

Yes, I know … you just digested that whole LaMichael paragraph above and now you gotta swallow this. Sorry, but De Thomas is simply the more fluid player than LaMichael. Doesn’t matter what the kid does, he is simply the best athlete on the field. Running, receiving, returning, (probably even passing) … he just makes it all look smooth. Meaning, it just comes easier to the kid … a natural.

When 2012 arrives, the #6 jerseys will not be able to stay on the racks. No matter where De Thomas lines up on the field, he will be the focus of the defense. Chip Kelly will have the ultimate Trump card in De-Thomas. RB-or-WR, De-Thomas will draw double-covg from PAC-12 defenses next season wherever he is on the field. Hopefully Chip will have a WR that will keep the safety from doubling down on Thomas in 2012.

De Thomas will get the Heisman in either 2012 or 2013 … BET ON IT.

I say in 3 years De Thomas is the next Wes Welker (aka slot-WR-star-slash-punt-returner):

Both are 5′ 8″ between 185-160 lbs.

De Thomas is a step faster.

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NBA is back!

Is it too late to add a Jrue Holiday t-shirt to my x-mas list?!?!

Sorry Blazer fan, I just may be the guy throwing my empty beer bottle at Darth Blazer when Philly visits.

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Joe Flacco rocks you like a …

Yeah, probably have not heard this from me or anywhere on this site. That is okay. I have been behind ‘the joe show’ for quite awhile now. He has had many detractors for the last year or so. Again, okay. I am here to say, dude has arrived. Joe is in his 4th season and coming into his prime. I have scoffed at haters saying he has been an inaccurate passer over the seasons, obviously, they have not seen him during his 2 years at Delaware throwing to smurf WRs.

Joe may be a statue in the pocket (much like a former Duck … Dan Fouts was), but he has the arm and accuracy to put the ball anywhere the ball needs to be. Oh, and yes, Joe was a little slow to figure it all out, but poise was never his downfall … getting the ball out of his hand was. Flacco held onto the ball forever … that was his weakness. He took too many sacks. Now, he is finally gettin the ball out of his hand quickly because he knows where to go with it and has receivers to throw to that he has confidence in to make the catch in traffic.

If Baltimore can replace the slightly over-rated Ray Lewis in 2012, watch out for the Baltimore Ravens for the next 5 years.

Okay, so you say you are not a Flacco believer, tell me which non-Super-Bowl-winning-QBs are better than Joe Flacco?

Then realize that every QB is a non Super Bowl QB before they win one.

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Rose Bowl – Wisconsin vs Oregon

I am so looking forward to this battle of contrasting styles. I know, everyone thinks I am hating on the Ducks from Eugene, not so!

I just keep it real.

The huge-cheese-eating lineman of Wisconsin vs the speed-swarming-defensive-ballers of Oregon is a nice match-up when the Badgers have the ball. But will the prodding Badger defensive guys have enough athleticism to defend the super-athletic Ducks skill players?

Probably not.

I see this future Rose Bowl ending up something like 31-23 … Oregon.

See … ain’t I a nice guy?

Haters of me … go eat a stinky shoe!

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Title gone wrong

Alright … just realized my title “Funny like a clown or funny like a dick … with a gallon of Ninkasi in da liver, you judge” doesn’t really relate to my post … cuz … well, there wasn’t really anything funny about it … especially if you’re a green-bleeding Duck fan … sorry.

Sue me for false advertising then! HEY, guess what, if you clicked on the link when you other wise would not have … WIN WIN for me!!

How ’bout this … “WIN WIN” is a movie I give thumbs up … so if you likey … does that make up for this travesty of a mouse-click-gone-wrong?!?!

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Okay … so I leave you with this …

]]> http://www.thesportsbrewery.com/basketball/nba-basketball/funny-like-a-clown-or-funny-like-a-dick-with-a-gallon-of-ninkasi-in-da-liver-you-judge/feed 1 http://www.thesportsbrewery.com/basketball/nba-basketball/grouping-the-nba-playoff-teams http://www.thesportsbrewery.com/basketball/nba-basketball/grouping-the-nba-playoff-teams#comments Tue, 12 Apr 2011 17:00:40 +0000 bbryan http://www.thesportsbrewery.com/?p=16202

With the worst regular season in major sports winding down lets take a look at the type of teams you’ll see in the greatest playoffs in all of the major sports.  I’m not taking into account potential match ups, just looking at my general feelings of the potential playoff teams.  Once the seedings are final we will take a look at the individual match ups  and hopefully have a TSB predictions post.  On to the playoff teams.

Proof the NBA has too many playoffs teams:

Indiana Pacers – Granger is nice, but any NBA team with Psycho-T and Mike Dunleavy is bound to get rolled in the first round.  It’s a good thing for the Pacers the East is garbage because they are not a legitimate playoff team.

Philadelphia 76ers – /doesn’t give a shit.

New York Knicks – 2 games over .500 despite having runs of 13-1 and 7-0.  Eventhough they have two studs in Carmelo Anthony and Antoine Amare Stoudemire the Knicks struggle.  They haven’t figured out how to incorporate Billups and Anthony into the team and I don’t think Dantoni is the man to do it.  Man the East is garbage.

Just Happy To Be There:

New Orleans Hornets – Limping to the finish line after starting the season 11-1.  Injury to West hurts.

Memphis Grizzlies – Good season for the Grizz making the playoffs for the first time since 2006.  With a descent core of players to build around they should be back next season.

Possible Party Crashers:

Portland Trailblazers – Hell of a job by the Blaze keeping it together this year while they transitioned from being B-Roy’s team to LaMarcus Aldridge’s teams.  The addition of Wallace has been great.  Not only is he a high energy guy that can do a number of things on the court, his toughness has seemed to rub off on the Frenchie.  In fact Batum has really embraced his role coming off of the bench.  The Blaze could win a series or two.

Orland Magic – The Magic went through an identity change to start the year, then again mid season and have never seemed to find their rythm.  However there is a lot of talent on that team and if they do figure it out they could win a series or two.  Any time you have the most dominant big man in the game you have a chance in the NBA Playoffs.

Denver Nuggets – Like the Blaze the Nugs have done a great job of transforming their team.  While they Blaze had to do it due to injuries, the Nugs did it after trading away their two best players in Billups and Anthony.  The Nugs could win a series or two as well, but they are not legitimate contenders.

Chronic Underachievers:

Atlanta Hawks – Has a group of players done less with as much talent the Hawks have had over the last few years?  Maybe they win a series, but no way the put together a serious run.

Dallas Mavericks – Just like the Hawks I wouldn’t be surprised if  Dallas won a series, but this group has been the poster boys for underachieving since their Rory Mcilroy-esque finals collapse in 2006.  After winning 67 games in 2007 (6 more than the next best team),  they became the first ever #1 to lose in the first round since the 7 game series format.  In 2010 they became the only team to ever lose in the first round as a #2 seed in a best of 7 format.  It’s no wonder that the #5-#8 seeds are hoping to draw the Mavericks in the West.

The Favorites…2 months ago:

San Antonia Spurs – While they haven’t fallen as far as Boston has, it’s still hard to consider the Spurs the favorites at this point.  While they are the leagues best 3-point shooting team, they don’t score in the paint.  And the team that gets the most easy buckets wins in the NBA Playoffs.  Although bonus points for having the best coach in the Association.

Boston Celtics – They Perkins trade was their death sentence.  This team lost their identity at that point and haven’t found a new one yet.  Horrible trade.  The Celtics are 9 of the their last 20 and haven’t had a 5 game win streak where at least one of those teams was a playoff team since the first of December.

Young With Something to Prove:

Oklahoma City Thunder – The Thunders where the beneficiaries of Boston’s panic trade of Perkins.  Already flush with scorers the Thunder were more than happy to trade away green for a tough inside presence.  With Perkins and Ibaka controlling the paint on the defensive end and Durant and Wesbrook owning it on the offensive side the Thunder have the tools to contend for a championship.  Don’t be surprised if they win the west this year.

Chicago Bulls – The Bulls have had an incredible regular season.  With this year’s MVP and a tough defense they are contenders to win the East.  Noah and Boozer provide toughness down low and Rose has proven to be a great leader this year.  However I want to see them do it before making them the favorites.  I worry about Rose being their only legitimate scoring threat.  In a 7 game series teams might beable to slow him down.

The Favorites, But By No Means Locks:

Miami Heat – The favorite in the east by default.  They have two super duper stars that have proven they can take over a playoff season.  They play good defense and have won 14 of their last 17 including wins against Boston, LA, Spurs, Griz, Nugs and Hawks.  But it wouldn’t shock me if they lost in the 2nd round in epic fashion.

La Lakers – The two time defending champions have to be considered as the favorites both in the West and to win the whole thing.  But they are certainly vulnerable.  Artest is a shell of his former self, Kobe is a year older and Gasol and Bynum are still pussies.  Their recent 5 game slide is concerning, but it is coming off the heels of a 17 for 18 stretch where they were beating playoff teams left and right.  By no means are they a lock, but they are the champs until someone knocks them off.

I’m whipping a big thank you chest pass to one of my favorite Philly sports blogs … the700Level.com … for reminding Sixers fans that 8 years ago today was the infamous Allen Iverson Practice rant.

Here now, AI …

Has Larry Brown said ‘no’ to the Sixers job yet?

Com’n Larry! Bring your carpetbaggin self back to Philly!

It’s only fitting that I’m coincidentally drinking out of my 1999 Sixers NBA playoffs souvenir cup that I got at Iverson’s first home playoff game (33pts, 10 steals) against the Orlando Magic (and yes, the wife thinks I’m a dork for holding on to all these plastic souvenir cups).  My buddy Kevin & I had seats about 10-15 rows up behind Allen Iverson’s mom (just high enough that we could see over her friggin sign).   The game was a party from tip-off.  Post game celebration consisted of Kevin shaking Warren Sapp’s hand, me shaking owner Ed Snider’s hand, me watching Kevin play drunk one-on-one basketball in a Chili’s parking lot, us passing out from tequila shots during late-night RBI baseball play.

Ahhh, the memories.

All-Star Game

Sunday, Feb. 14, 2010

Cowboys Stadium

You can watch the NBA’s most popular players play street-style basketball for 3 quarters until a few guys decide they wanna win (meaning, some defense is played). Oh, you thought the NBA All-Star game was a display of the best players of 2009-2010 season?  Errrnnnnt!  Wrong!

Check out the starting lineups and you’ll know why:

EAST:

Dwayne Wade, Miami Heat

Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers —> hmmmmm

Lebron James, Cleveland Cavaliers

Kevin Garnett, Boston Celtics

Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

WEST:

Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns

Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers

Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets

Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs

Amar’e Stoudemire, Phoenix Suns

Wow, Allen Iverson is an All-Star STARTER for 2010!!!  Are you kidding me?!?!?!  Now being a Sixers fan, it’s awlays nice when a Sixer reps Philly at the All-Star festivities … but when it’s a very undeserving creep like AI … well, it’s not so nice.  Iverson is obviously not the player he once was –lightning quick, can get to the basket on anyone.  Those days are past.  Add that with the fact he’s not the most fan-friendly (doesn’t show on time to fan appreciation day in philly) and team-friendly (“we’re talking about practice, man“) … and it’s truely baffling how he gets a spot, nevertheless, a starting spot on this year’s All-Star squad.  Unbelievable.

So how does this happen?  The NBA All-Star voting is a fan-based system.  Fans vote as much as they want over the internet.  So that leads to the next question … who the hell is sitting at their computer and clicking on Allen Iverson’s button?!.  Seriously, who are these people?  Obviously not hardcore NBA junkies like Bill Simmons.  Obviously not people with an ounce of let-me-reward-a-guy-that’s-busted-his-butt-for-the-first-half-of-the-season fairness.  Nope, these idiots decide to reward Iverson for giving the shaft to Memphis Grizzly fans earlier this season.  Well, I guess those Grizzly fans that were silly enough to purchase an Iverson Grizzly jersey can now sport it on All-Star Sunday –woo-hoo!

Sad really.  I guess guys like Joe Johnson of Atlanta and Rajon Rondo of Boston will still get on the East squad as bench players.  But some guy is gonna get left off completely who deserves to be there. And I agree with Charles Barkley:

I personally think he should decline to play.   The Sixers are not playing well and he has not played well. . . . I hope this don’t go over the wrong way in Philly, but this guy has not played well.

Maybe AI can show a drop of integrity and start the game for the fans … and after the first whistle … sit down for Rondo or Johnson.  But knowing AI … he’s gonna have to be dragged out of the game.